It's bee years since I have felt that feeling. Well not years but it sure does feels like it. So much. Than i conclude like a Old man trying to swim with the young kids in the community pool. Im tredding water correctly but not efficiently. Maybe ill learn a different way of living. I think that was the whole point of changing "marital status" I wanted to try a different way of living. Imhappynow. It feels good. Just different the grass is greener on the other align you just gotta go the fucking swamp. Ive actually been dreading the fact of falling back into what I used to be digging at. Dreading the time that im in between dreaming and living. I was semi-productive,not awake. Everyday was normal. Not too exciting not too boring. If something fantastic happend it would probably be followed by something not so fantastic to balance it out. I dont know if that makes sense but to me it does and frankly thats all that matters. I like being awake. Its tuff but i desire to feel my scrapes n bruises it was almost 2 years of me keeping them in boxes. The day life became reality it was like an explosion of everything i put away. Shit that i used to tell myself " Ill deal with later". I was having too much fun being obliviouse. Life is also more important. Its no longer something that im doing for someone else. I no longer have to mind about someone elses happiness. I can lounge about all day playing the sims without someone telling me to get up and go somewhere. I miss the stabilise stream of fantastic sex. It was my little stream of joy that would go at least once a day wede both change state the fuck up. Wede both forbid bitching about things we couldnt control. Friends where no longer an issue that needed to be discussed. For those ( 3 hours?) hahah mostly 15 minutes it was the beat time of my life. We both wanted one thing and no petty bickering will come in between it. If i had a shotglass id toast to sex. I dont regret anything either. Im glad i had the oppourtunity to expirience what i did. To got to get so close to another human being. To know almost everything about them it was liberating knowing someone elses life getting to be a part of it loving them for being themslevs being completly infatuated with the fact that no matter what happend that day at the end of it all we both had eachother. I think populate twice my age are still looking for what i expirienced. Im done being emo now.
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http://seniorstereo.livejournal.com/5396.html
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